From Milestones to Mysteries: A Parent's Guide to Embracing Uncertainty in Raising Kids

When my kids were young I took comfort in the developmental benchmarks that I could follow to make sure they were on track.  Each year I could chart progress and course correct if they weren’t being met.  Now that my kids are older instead of charting inches and pounds, I am navigating the uncharted territory of their hearts and minds. Questions like "Will they find their tribe?" and "Can they thrive in a world that feels ever-shifting?" dance in my mind. 

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing we can control the outcomes, meticulously shaping our kids’ paths into perfect circles. But this is an illusion, a comforting story we tell ourselves to quell the anxiety of the unknown. The truth is, while our guidance and actions have undeniable impact, our children ultimately hold the reins of their own destinies. What they do with the skills and experiences we provide is a beautiful mystery, a testament to their unique agency and is ultimately (spoiler alert) out of our control.

​So, instead of white-knuckling the wheel, desperately trying to steer towards some imagined ideal, we can choose a different path. We can embrace the inherent uncertainty of raising children, viewing it not as a threat but as an opportunity. We DO have the power to help them cultivate resilience and adaptability – qualities that will serve them well in a world guaranteed to throw curveballs.
It’s not easy to hold this truth in the world where we believe we can control everything.  But there is hope and some practical things we can do to live in this limbo. 

• Anchor in What you Can Control: Establish routines, prioritize self-care, and foster strong support networks. These provide stability and grounding amidst the swirling unknown.
• Model Acceptance: When faced with uncertainty, share your own struggles and coping strategies. Openness builds bridges of trust and empowers your children to share their own fears.
• Equip for the Journey: Cultivate coping skills like mindfulness, deep breathing, and reframing negative thoughts. Encourage exploration and experimentation to build confidence in handling the unexpected.

Remember, that some people handle uncertainty with grace, while others find it more challenging. Be kind to yourself if it's hard for you or your kids recognizing that the journey towards resilience is a continuous one. And if you feel overwhelmed, there's no shame in seeking support. As a parent coach I can guide you, offering additional tools and strategies to navigate the ever-changing currents of parenting.

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