Three things to do when your child is having a BIG meltdown

When your child is in the middle of a huge meltdown, it can be difficult to know what to do. You may feel frustrated, angry, or even embarrassed if you are in a public place. First of all it's important to remember that your child is not trying to be difficult. They are likely overcome by big emotions and have been hijacked by their central nervous system that thinks they are under threat. Under those circumstances they are trying to  communicate their feelings in the only way they know how. It’s hard in those moments to remember what to do, because it is likely that you are also triggered by the situation. So here are three things you can do when your child is having a HUGE meltdown:

1. Calm yourself down first. It's hard to stay calm when your child is losing their cool, but it's important to do your best. If you're feeling stressed or angry, it will be more difficult to help your child calm down. Take a few deep breaths and try to relax your body. Remind yourself that this is just a temporary situation and that your child will eventually calm down. That they aren’t doing this on purpose and they aren’t doing it to upset you.
2. Talk less and listen more. When your child is in the middle of a meltdown, they may not be able to listen to what you have to say. Instead, focus on listening to them. Try to understand why they are upset and what they need. Once they have had a chance to express their feelings, you can start to talk about solutions after they have had a chance to calm down.
3. Offer physical comfort. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your child when they are having a meltdown is to offer them physical comfort. This could mean giving them a hug, holding their hand, or rocking them back and forth. Physical touch can help to calm your child down and make them feel safe.

It's also important to remember that it's okay to walk away from a meltdown as long as your child is safe. If your child is becoming aggressive, it's important to remove yourself from the situation. Go to another room and take a few minutes to calm down. Once you have had a chance to collect yourself, you can go back to your child and try to help them calm down. This won’t work in public, but it is ok to remove your child from the situation and find a safe, quieter place to let their feelings play out.

Meltdowns are a normal part of childhood. They can be frustrating for both parents and children, but it's important to remember that they are not a sign of bad parenting or bad kids. By following these tips, you can help your child calm down and begin to explore how to support your child through these tough moments.  

Parent coaching can help you learn to support your child through meltdowns. Next you'll discover how to help them build the self awareness, self regulation and self control strategies that they can draw on in difficult emotional moments. When we help kids to develop these skills from a young age we set them up for strong emotional resilience as as they grow into teens and adults.

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